I Went and Got a Manicure and Forgot to Vote: If Nora Ephron Wrote The Ides of March

The Ides of March: proof that political sex scandals are boring, movies about political sex scandals are boring, and political movies about sex scandals with hardly any actual sex in them are the most boring of all. Had Nora taken the narrative reigns as God intended, we suspect:

• As the Cloonster’s trusty sidekick, Gos dispenses helpful political advice gleaned from The Godfather 
• A preternaturally charming Evan Rachel Wood woos her various romantic partners via extremely convincing fake orgasms
• Marisa Tomei writes for the New York Observer; is oddly fixated on her collection of antique typewriters
• Rather than a dark, seedy sports bar, Gos and Paul Giamatti have their secret meeting at the top of the Empire State Building on Valentine’s Day

“The Story of My Life in 3,500 Words or Less”

was maybe the best essay I’ve read in a year.

You’ll blow through the whole book in an hour and a half and giggle, loudly and with glee.

The Perfect Blend of Poetry and Meanness: If Nora Ephron Wrote “The Social Network”

• Rather than taking place in sterile conference rooms and dim, dirty residence halls, Facebook is invented at a charming independent coffee shop awash in twinkle lights
• Winklevoss twins are played by two adorable and precocious children who spend the whole film trying to spell “Winklevoss” aloud
• Mark and Eduardo argue not over shares of the rapidly-growing company, but over whether or not two hyper-intelligent, slightly autistic Harvard undergrads can ever truly be friends without the sexual tension getting in the way
• Rosie O’Donnell cameos as Eduardo’s sassy-and-supportive confidante
• Mark’s Adidas flip-flop-clad dash across campus occurs while The Cranberries’ “Dreams” plays cheerfully in the background