Category Archives: Moving Pictures

I Went and Got a Manicure and Forgot to Vote: If Nora Ephron Wrote The Ides of March

The Ides of March: proof that political sex scandals are boring, movies about political sex scandals are boring, and political movies about sex scandals with hardly any actual sex in them are the most boring of all. Had Nora taken the narrative reigns as God intended, we suspect:

  • As the Cloonster’s trusty sidekick, Gos dispenses helpful political advice gleaned from The Godfather 
  • A preternaturally charming Evan Rachel Wood woos her various romantic partners via extremely convincing fake orgasms
  • Marisa Tomei writes for the New York Observer; is oddly fixated on her collection of antique typewriters
  • Rather than a dark, seedy sports bar, Gos and Paul Giamatti have their secret meeting at the top of the Empire State Building on Valentine’s Day
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Did you know

that in the world there exists a movie in which Marisa Tomei is a chronic fixer of men and Vincent D’Onofrio is her boyfriend who acts for all the world like he has schizophrenia (AKA how Vincent D’Onofrio acts all the time) and claims he is a time traveler who has come from the future to save her life? And you spend the whole movie thinking he’s a candy coated nutbar except that in the end he actually IS a time traveler from the future, and so is Marissa Tomei’s therapist, Holland Taylor?

Sometimes I would really like to know what kind of person “Netflix Recommends” thinks I am.

 

 

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I always want Sofia Coppola’s movies to be more interesting than they actually are (see also Lost in Translation: a film mostly about, so far as I can tell, ScarJo’s hair ). I get that the whole point of Somewhere was look at Stephen Dorff’s wasted life; I just wish I hadn’t sat there for two hours feeling for all the world like Sofe was wasting mine.

Having said that, though: Elle is by far my favorite Fanning. I think she is just so cool.

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You marry the guy from The Notebook and four years later, BAM, it’s Ira from Mad About You.

Of all the bleak, terrifying things about Blue Valentine

the most upsetting was Ryan Gosling’s hairline.

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