I Went and Got a Manicure and Forgot to Vote: If Nora Ephron Wrote The Ides of March

The Ides of March: proof that political sex scandals are boring, movies about political sex scandals are boring, and political movies about sex scandals with hardly any actual sex in them are the most boring of all. Had Nora taken the narrative reigns as God intended, we suspect:

• As the Cloonster’s trusty sidekick, Gos dispenses helpful political advice gleaned from The Godfather 
• A preternaturally charming Evan Rachel Wood woos her various romantic partners via extremely convincing fake orgasms
• Marisa Tomei writes for the New York Observer; is oddly fixated on her collection of antique typewriters
• Rather than a dark, seedy sports bar, Gos and Paul Giamatti have their secret meeting at the top of the Empire State Building on Valentine’s Day

Year, Mr. White! Yeah, Science!

Breaking Bad fits squarely into the category of show known in my home as “stuff my boyfriend watches that I pretend to watch with him while really looking at Animals Talking in All Caps on Tumblr”  (see also: Boardwalk Empire, Dexter, Sons of Anarchy). Still, this Grantland piece by Chuck Klosterman is absolutely worth a read, even if you’re not a fan of the show itself– he’s got some interesting thoughts on morality and stasis in traditional television narratives, the way we as an audience experience and perceive a story’s protagonist , and the difference between shows with great production value and shows that are actually great.

Plus he says some snarky stuff about fans of The Wire that really made me laugh.

Why yes, these are our five favorite TV kisses of all time, embedded for your convenience.

1. Baby, I am tied to a tree in a jungle of mystery: Lost, Sawyer and Kate.

2. Welcome home: Gilmore Girls, Rory and Jess.

3. You wanna talk?: Rookie Blue, Andy and Sam.

4. I blew it: The Good Wife, Will and Alicia.

5. You can’t keep on doin’ this to me, Potter: Dawson’s Creek, Joey and Pacey.

Did you know

that in the world there exists a movie in which Marisa Tomei is a chronic fixer of men and Vincent D’Onofrio is her boyfriend who acts for all the world like he has schizophrenia (AKA how Vincent D’Onofrio acts all the time) and claims he is a time traveler who has come from the future to save her life? And you spend the whole movie thinking he’s a candy coated nutbar except that in the end he actually IS a time traveler from the future, and so is Marissa Tomei’s therapist, Holland Taylor?

Sometimes I would really like to know what kind of person “Netflix Recommends” thinks I am.

 

 

that sound you hear is my heart exploding with joy

wait wait is this happening?

Because this, this is a pairing I could get behind. Kunis/Timberlake, 2011.

the king stay the king

SHOCKING TELEVISION REVELATION OF THE DAY: Alex from Parenthood…

is Wallace from The Wire.

I KNOW RIGHT? My mind: BLOWN.

I hear he’s back together with the Hudge.

A loss for all womankind.

I always want Sofia Coppola’s movies to be more interesting than they actually are (see also Lost in Translation: a film mostly about, so far as I can tell, ScarJo’s hair ). I get that the whole point of Somewhere was look at Stephen Dorff’s wasted life; I just wish I hadn’t sat there for two hours feeling for all the world like Sofe was wasting mine.

Having said that, though: Elle is by far my favorite Fanning. I think she is just so cool.

Am I alone in thinking that there is absolutely no glitzy love interest for Neal on White Collar that is going to interest me one crumb as much as the quietly ambiguous man-love between him and Peter? I can’t possibly be alone in thinking this, can I?

CAN I?